I'm kind of uncomfortable

With my clearer skin,

Smaller waist-line

And

New ability to talk to

Absolutely anyone

Without feeling

Shrouded with

Shame

Or

Fear

Or

Embarrassment.

I'm not exactly sure when

My reflection became less yours and

More mine

But I'm not used to it.

I get this "sick-pit"

Feeling when I see my own pictures

It makes me lose my appetite

Causing me furthermore

To look less like myself.

My hair is much longer,

I've developed a new sense of style.

The best compliment I've heard in awhile:

"You look so healthy and alive."

I feel so raw and out of place.

Most of the time it's really great-

It's new...

Other times,

I go to bed at night

Pining to go backwards towards more familiar feelings.

I'm so much happier now.

I play HARD every day

So much so that I forget everything else...

Because I'm so immersed

In this new found freedom.

But I feel so different.

The other day Autumn and I were at Target

And I caught a reflection of myself.

I stood there for a moment in disbelief.

Everything about me has changed.

Do I like myself better?

Myself...

Myself...

I feel fuller

Than when you were filling me.

I filled my own empty vase.

This has caused me to pose the question...

Had I been full in the first place

Would I have looked your way?

Maybe...

But I think I would have seen all I see now

From the beginning.

The dynamics would be completely different.

Better?

Am I better?

Bigger.

I'm bigger.

That's what it is...

I am bigger than I was.

And even though it feels so awkward-

Now that I'm over the heartbreak

And

Out of love-

I think it's going to be okay.

Different...

But okay.